At the start of summer, I wrote about our summer plans. It was my way of planning out our summer so we could get the most of every moment. With the unofficial start of fall here, I’ve decided to create a bucket list for fall with all the things I want to do.
Personally, I always feel really sad when summer is over. I love fall – the cool weather, sweaters, changing leaves and all of that, but summer is such special time and fall feels like the start of something new, which is both exciting and nerve wracking not to mention it’s goodbye to the warm carefree days at the beach and, of course, summer Friday’s. So this fall bucket list is my way of getting excited for fall and making sure we make the most of it too, especially since the winter months can seem to drag on forever. Frankly, I also need a pick me up. It started to feel like the tides were turning for our family before we left for our Labor Day vacation – there were changes at work and potential exciting career opportunities for both of us, we were open to potentially buying a house, and after months of struggling, I was convinced I was pregnant and we could finally move forward with our lives. But then my period came (legit, every holiday weekend this summer, it’s come to put a dark cloud on our vacations, all of which have started out with the hope of a potential pregnancy). Quickly that high fueled by feelings of hope for change quickly disappeared and now I’m feeling sad.
The more time passes, the longer things stay the same and I’m desperate for change. To be honest, I’ve predicated most of that change on getting pregnant – we’d need more space so we would move, I’d have a nine-month timeline for work to get certain things done, a deadline for making my blog really happen, and of course, the general excitement and joy that accompanies a pregnancy and the feeling that life was moving along. I’m eager for some change in my life and I think it’s made this secondary infertility struggle that much harder. It’s like I’m waiting for a baby to change my life when deep down I know I should be making the changes. The thing is, I don’t know exactly what I want in terms of change and the timing for some of that change (like buying a house and moving to the burbs or making my blog a bigger business) feels like it would make more sense if we had another child. So I feel stuck and it’s giving me a lot of anxiety (which is a lot for someone who already has anxiety) and that I’m sure is not helping me get pregnant.
I’m trying to learn to live in the moment because honestly, that’s all I have right now and it seems the universe is forcing me to live with what I have. Maybe it’s pushing me to make the changes and create the life I want without that big family I want. I’ve been trying to tell myself lately that maybe it’s a blessing I’m not pregnant yet because I have more time to focus on my career and this blog, that I can really focus on James and navigating the terrible twos, that I can build us a home we love and perhaps a life with more balance, but oh man, it’s hard not to want to do anything but focus on getting pregs.
So to force myself to think about something else and really make the most of our fall together, I’ve created a bucket list of everything I want to do both personally and as a family this fall. What about you? What’s on your fall bucket list? Anything I should add?
- Apple picking
- Pumpkin picking and carving
- Hiking upstate with James
- Learning to use our slow cooker
- Potty training James (ok this isn’t really something to look forward to but something I want to try)
Dress up in family Halloween costumes and take James trick or treating
Take James to the Bronx Zoo
Learn to make healthy versions of my favorite breakfast foods like muffins and banana bread
Monthly date nights with Andrew (I’d say weekly, but we’re terrible at that so monthly seems like a good place to start)
Take cute first day of school pics with James before his first day
Take a Thanksgiving weekend trip someplace on our bucket list
Take James to the Central Park Zoo
Have a bonfire at Wolf Lake and make S’mores