This Mother’s Day might be my most special one to date. Honestly since becoming a mother, every Mother’s Day has been incredibly special, but this year, I will officially be six months pregnant with the baby we waited and struggled so long to have, and I can’t even put into words how profoundly grateful I am. (Check out my reflections on my last Mother’s Day.)
Every day I am reminded how grateful I am to have James and to be his mama. I have felt that way since he was born, but having struggled with infertility, I now have a different level of appreciation for the fact that I’m pregnant and will have another baby in just four months. The miracle that I am pregnant is something I thank god for every day, and something that will never be lost on me. In fact, I worry every day that something will happen and this joy and baby will be taken away.
I am still scared to let myself feel too much joy. Part of it is the fear of losing this baby — the feeling it’s too good to be true. And some of it I think is the profound pain that I felt for all those months and months and months we tried and knowing so many are feeling that same pain, including many friends. Mother’s Day can be especially difficult for those struggling with infertility, and I hope if you’re struggling with it, you know I’m thinking of you and how strong and amazing you are and hoping so much that you get your miracle soon.
As much as I’ve been scared to let myself feel any joy or to talk about my pregnancy or get excited and buy baby stuff lest I jinx us and something bad happens, I do feel such profound joy and gratitude for this blessing and for the chance to become a mom again. Being a mom is something I’ve wanted my whole life and being a mom to James is hands down my favorite job and blessing in the world. I knew I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember and I knew I would love it more than anything in the world, and it is every bit as special and magical as I knew it would be.
So on this Mother’s Day, I just wanted to say how thankful I am, in part to remind myself that even on the hardest days, when I think I can’t possibly juggle work and motherhood and life or deal with another tantrum or function after another sleepless night, how lucky we are to have this beautiful family and how long I hoped and prayed for this day to come. This Mother’s Day, I vow to make the most of every minute and cherish ever second with James and every part of this pregnancy, regardless of how tired or stressed or depleted I feel, because I am so lucky to be a mom, to be pregnant at last, and it’s an honor and miracle I’ll never take for granted.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there including the ones that are waiting for their own miracles to arrive.