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Infertility Diaries: A Failed IUI

by krismkoch

I got my period today and I cried. Correction, I sobbed. I’m actually sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing now while James takes a bath because motherhood doesn’t stop for infertility. I’m pretty sure this will scar him for life but so will be being an only child I”m sure, or my mood swings due to all the hormones I’m on, or all the fighting his parents are doing because of the toll this is taking on me and our marriage.

For a second I wanted to pretend like it might be implantation bleeding but the familiar signals that it’s day one of my period that I’ve come to know all too well are all there and I know better. I’ve learned by now that I can deny it all I want but it’s my period and I’m not pregnant and this is really happening… again. Another month with no baby. Another lost hope. Another day in the black hole of infertility depression. And one step closer to believing this isn’t in the cards for us and of hating the world and God and everyone because why is this happening to me?

After an unsuccessful round of Chlomid last month, we tried Chlomid combined with an IUI and progesterone. So many hormones, so much help. It had to work. But it didn’t. And now I just try not to cry. Try not to think about it 24/7. Try to just keep getting out of bed and going to work and smiling for James. Try again next month.


On Me: Tory Burch Tunic;  Straw Hat

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Jamie K August 17, 2018 - 2:46 pm

Saying a prayer for you. Both of my babies are IUI babies, and for my son (my second), it took multiple rounds. I know your heartbreak. I pray for your future success!!

krismkoch August 17, 2018 - 4:18 pm

Thanks so much for sharing this! It means so much and it makes this journey a lot easier to have a support system of other amazing, brave women who have been through it.

Georgette Oden August 21, 2018 - 7:54 pm

I I empathize. I was unable to bear a child, even after IVFs and miscarriages and medications to quell my immune system, which staunchly fought off every implanting embryo. Hang in there. You already had one which means IT IS POSSIBLE. You are a strong lady and you, and your marriage, will survive and thrive.

krismkoch August 22, 2018 - 1:15 am

Thank you so much! I am so sorry you’ve gone through all this but your strength is inspiring me and the support of this community and women who have been there has meant so much to me.



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