Happy New Year (and merry belated Christmas!)! In a year that feels so different, the holidays felt bittersweet. I feel so blessed to be healthy and starting off a new year with my family. I feel so grateful that we were still able to enjoy some of our favorite traditions and celebrate the spirit of the season, even though in many ways, this past Christmas and New Year were so different. While I wouldn’t wish 2020 upon any of us, I do feel gratitude for the reminder of what’s really important, the appreciation for the many blessings I have in my life, and for the extra time I’ve had with my family. Last year was painful, and so far 2021 hasn’t brought much reprieve from the pain and anxiety and traumatic events of 2020. But nonetheless, I am grateful for 2020, and all it taught me and gave me. I truly believe that there is no chance events and that this year, was the universe teaching us some much-needed lessons, many of which we’re still learning. It also gave me gratitude for so many simple things I took for granted: health, the ability to go to the grocery store, James’ school and our amazing teachers, dinner or coffee with friends, the gym, the office, and so much more.
What I am most grateful for is the time I had with my family. The ability to see my daughter take her first steps, to watch my son develop and grow from a toddler to a boy, and time with all of us together. I realized how important it is to me to be with my family and to spend more time at home. As much as this year has taken away, for me, it’s given me a lot, most importantly, time with my babies that I wouldn’t otherwise have. I got to see Charlotte’s first crawls and steps, and James learn to write and play tennis and skate and swim. I was forced to realize what type of parent I wanted to be, and to really think about what I wanted them to eat and learn and to be responsible for it all.
I also realized I’m more capable than I knew possible, but that even if I can juggle a million balls at a time, when I do, everyone suffers, especially me. I may want to do it all, and I may get a certain thrill from doing it, but it’s not sustainable. I need to make choices, and I need to ask for help.
Trying to parent and homeschool and manage a demanding full-time job and side business has overwhelmed me to no end. But being forced out of the daily grind also gave me an opportunity to really reflect on the life I want to live. I don’t know that I’m totally clear on it yet, and I certainly am not sure how I’ll get there — which is painful for someone who likes to have goals, and plan everything out. But I have realized that I need to give myself grace to simply survive this year, and that sometimes just having the wheels turn and seeing the possibilities of what a different life could look like is a step toward a new one, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
What about you? Did 2020 bring you any unexpected blessings or lessons? Idk, maybe this is optimistic, but I think this really hard period is maybe something we needed to reorient and to make deep and real changes in our lives and society that will ultimately make our world a better place.